23: I Don’t Understand It And It Drives Me Wild.

Tuesday[1]

Dear Girls,

I don’t know how to tell you this. I’ve been putting it off hoping things would work out and I wouldn’t have to disappoint you, because I know how happy you both have been for my sake, but Rusty and I aren’t married. She never got here. Came down with the flu in Kansas City–she had it before they left but it really developed while they were grounded there, waiting for reservations coming on–she wouldn’t tell me what it was for several days, what was the matter, thinking that it would clear up and she wouldn’t have to worry me, but it only got worse, and she was in a terrible shape to resist it, high fever etc., so her father decided she was in no shape to either come on or get married when she did get here so he took her back.

Needless to say I have never been so crushed in all my life–every arrangement made, the house rented and paid for, presents from the boys in the platoon, from Uncle Ham & Aunt Kit–their wonderful letters, heartbreakingly loving & warm–yours so open and full of happiness for us, for something that has not happened yet.[2]

What is happening now? Poor Rusty–she is recovering, but slowly–she would probably be able to come out at the end of this week but her father won’t let her come alone and a big case for which he’s been preparing for months starts Thursday and may drag on for quite some time. She wants very much to have him here. I can understand that, and want it myself if she wants it–but I cannot see letting it stand in the way of our marriage. We don’t know how much time we have–God knows I wanted you all here, had always planned that, but knew that you would not want to hold our marriage up merely because you could not be there for that one brief moment.

I don’t understand it and it drives me wild to think that only because of him–

But somehow I accept it–I have always known that Rusty is mature in everything but that one exceptionally strong dependence upon her father. I can fight it no longer but must accept it along with her beauty and grace and love.

There will be another wait now–but for some reason I am somewhat more serene–I have come to realize that I cannot force this issue–I have done everything in my power, and can now only wait and pray to God that out happiness may come before I am called out of the country.

There is much solace in the knowledge that Anne wants, with all her heart, to marry me now, and in knowing that once we had decided it possible, Mr. Davis not only agreed but was eager for our happiness–even to taking her as far as he could.

And there is peace and all Hope in the faith we have in our love, which has met and overwhelmed so many obstacles now.

All my love
Phil

Send this on to Uncle Ham & Aunt Kit. I want them to understand fully.

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FOOTNOTES:
[1] Date unknown, but probably the Tuesday immediately following the previous letter (Saturday).
[2] Hamilton and Katherine Wood.

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